Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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