Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She bit a glass in half.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
