So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
