The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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