It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
