My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
