Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
