The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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