Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
