Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
