she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
