I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
