I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
