got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
