First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
