That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
