I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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