I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
