Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
