Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
