apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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