turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
NoShamevember. You game?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
