i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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