i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
