YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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