dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
