wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've blown a few things in my day
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
