why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
