i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
