wakey wakey hands off snakey
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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