these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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