no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
