Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
