ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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