Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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