Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
