I hate your face
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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