Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
