sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
