so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
