haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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