Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All the doctor said was why
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
