She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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