i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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