We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
