I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
