I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
