im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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