There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
