Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
