fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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